Marlon Brando apologizes for missing Charlie Sheen's birthday: "I'm feeling like a very large turd on a very thin stick."

via lettersofnote.com

MARLON BRANDO

Dear Charlie,

I'm feeling like a very large turd on a very thin stick. I'm holed up in bed and taking everything from sled dog urine to powderde East Indian vulva — maybe won't work tomorrow if I feel the same.

I really feel bad for not showing up at your birthday bash but I really feel shitty and best stay in bed. I don't have much of a selection. I'm sure it will be a kick in the ass and I hate to miss it —

Happiest of birthdays to you, Charlie

Love,

Marlon