Caborrower: a counter-cultural mirror to the traditional Calendar. By Alex F. Vance.

Every year, the same old thing. Winter, summer, winter again, sometimes with a spring and autumn tossed in just for color, but ultimately it's cyclical drudgery.

 

And why? Do we really benefit from the same boring tidal oscillation of moods and atmospheres?

 

Let's try something different. Instead of lending, let's borrow (disclosure: I briefly toyed with the idea of a castealer but worried about the legal implications) and reinvent our year, beginning with the names of our months:

 

• Jaoldary: While we're used to frothing at the mouth at the prospect of the shiny and untried, at the opening of the year, maybe we should put Janewary on hold for a year and instead reflect on all that's come before.
• Februwatery: All that vapid, noxious gasbaggery we always engage in around Februairy is well and good, but wouldn't a nice splash of fluidity be more refreshing? Also good for otters.
• Saunter: Come on, guys. The year's still young. Should we really be Marching in lockstep already? Chill.
• Primateril: There's more to the ungulate, dextrous animal kingdam than just the hairy brutes we always celebrate in Aperil. So we can either cycle through (Monkeyril, Lemurril, Macaqueril, etc.) or we can decide we are all brothers and celebrate our opposable thumbs together.
• Ringworld: Perhaps it may not be as popular as Frank Herbert's world-renowned June, but Larry Niven's month also won a Huga and Nebula award, and a Locus, thank you very much.
• Juhonest: With half the year over it may be easy to slip into bad habits, but fibbing, as we typically do in Julie, is not cool. The truth will out, so let's stick with what works.
• Aubreeze: In many parts of the inhabited world we're just enjoying the last spasms of summer, so if we really must have the wind caressing our skin, let it be the warmth of this month instead of the shocking Augusts we've resigned ourselves to.
• Antiseptember: Just because the hard part of the year is over is no reason to become complacent about hygiene and cleanliness. Be clean, disinfect, or your house will smell like a Septembic tank.
• Squidtober: Technically I could have gone for Coleoidtober in the vein of Primateril's all-inclusive equality, but there's only really three subclasses to worry about, so it'd be nice to let them take turns in the spotlight. We've had October for a while, so I propose we alternate between Squidtober and Cuttlefishtober for the forseeable.
• Yesvember: Why so pessimistic in the penultimate month? I've had enough ot November, where everything I propose is shot down because there's so little time left. Let's be more positive for a change!
• Cember: We deconstruct, declassify, even decry on occasion, and at the end of every year we December it. Aren't you curious what would happen if we didn't remove it? If we just Cembered on for a bit? Let's find out!

 

I'm looking forward to 2011, let me tell you.

 

Who's with me?

 

 

- Alex F. Vance